Saturday, December 27, 2008

Pass the Milk, Please

I've settled on for the time being. It was soooo slow, initially. Then it decided to do my bidding, and since all I needed was one song, I met the 3-minute maximum for free usage. Still hoping for some consumer feedback from somebody, though. Here's mine: seems to be acceptable. It might behave better once you pay the $20 for the full, registered version.

About to relieve my cabin fever by taking my daughter and another 8-year-old roller skating. Probaby going to fall on my toosh. Might get a sweat going. It'll feel good to burn off some of the calorie-dense decadence of the past few days.

Here's what got me so desperate to burn an mp3: songs from the Scrooge soundtrack, specifically "I Like Life" and "Thank You Very Much". I've been humming those every Christmas for years. And am very pleased to have passed my passion to my daughter, who was dancing and clapping to them earlier with me. Makes me want to try harder. Be better. Nicer. Happier. I, too, want to drink the Milk of Human Kindness, and pass the cup on to others.

Obaba's assistance requested

So much to say on the Christmas-front, but under the gun at the moment, so I'll just come right out and ask and hoping maybe the Christmas spirit is still afloat in the blogosphere:

Please, what's the best dvd-to-mp3 ripper out there (for windows)?

I need to figure this out. I've already tried 4 of them (the free ones), and all are less-than-pleasant to deal with. I'm embarrassed to have to ask. But I'm getting annoyed. I've got my visa in my hot little hand, if necessary (in other words, I'm willing to download and "register" a non-free ripper, if necessary...maybe that's the only way to find satisfaction...just don't know which one to take a chance on). Email is fine, if you prefer. The bugger of the thing is that I don't want an entire chapter, I just want one song, in the middle of a chapter.

I'm trying to be clever AND somebody's hero. It's not going so well.

Is Obaba available for a consult?

Monday, December 22, 2008

somebody slap me

I can't wait for some of you law students to graduate and get into the work world and blog about life as a working attorney. Is it the same? Is it worse? Seems like most of the complaints are about too much work. Too much stress. Sounds similar to what life was like as a consultant. It was hard on my marriage. But I miss the intensity. And I miss working as part of a team. Now I have this overpaid, soft, secure, cushy job that feels like a slow death. Wah-wah-wah. Cry me a river, already.

Is it really bad when you keep muttering "I'll see you in h*** first" under your breath? Other favorites: "F*** you" and "Go to h***".

Where is this so-called Christmas Spirit?

Why does it elude me?

I am dying a slow death at work. That is what this is about. I am bored. I am lazy. I am unmotivated and unfocused. People notice, and I curse at them under my breath. This feels surreal. How can this continue?

I know I am lucky to even have a job. I know I am acting like a spoiled brat. There is so much to be thankful for! But deep down, I feel contemptuous towards my coworkers. I do not really feel much sympathy for our primary purpose as an organization. I don't like this, I don't like that, I think everybody's an idiot or misguided or pathetic or short-sighted. And most of them seem to think and feel the same way about the rest of us. It's like a virus in this place. We are all contemptous of each other. We are all just hanging on until retirement.

It truly feels like I'm watching a horror-movie in slow-motion, except everyday I have to wake up and get to my desk and play my part in it. I'm inside the horror movie, and it's still in slow motion.

What do burnt-out people do (besides blog about it)? Any advice out there?

You know what I think will help? To-do lists. Literally put down at least 2 or 3 things each day that I want to accomplish, and get them done, then go home. Ta da! Maybe that will stop my bad dreams at night.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

it's 5 o'clock somewhere

I want to b**ch so badly about something that just happened at work. Oh I am so flipping people off right now. I'm sitting at my desk, tucked away in my office at the end of the corner of the hallway...I am way in the back of the suite and nobody can see me, although maybe they could hear me if I were to cut loose with the profanity that is dancing across my tongue right now. So it is safe enough for me to sit here and lift my hands off the keyboard once in a while, just long enough to flip off so-and-so and the other so-and-so and while I'm at it, everybody else in that little meeting room - except for that one guy who is always really nice and laughs at my jokes - because really the whole crew is a bunch of idiots. Gawd.

This is especially annoying because I was in a really good mood. I didn't even appreciate what a great mood I was in until this thunderclap of hideous anger and pissed-off-ness fell upon me when stupid so-and-so did you-know-what and had all that attitude and whatnot. Now my happy mood has left me and I can barely see it just on the horizon of my moodsphere, drifting happily along with a la-la-la-la-la that I can just ever-so-faintly hear. Stupid people with their stupid being-human-ness. I know what happened. They are miserable sitting in that stupid meeting in that stupid little room listening to each other talking on and on and on stupidly, and fool that I am, I walked in and gave them fresh meat to pick over. We are all victims of this thing called The Workplace. Stupid workplace.

Is it 5 o'clock yet?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

career advice

I love it when I read advice articles only to see that they're recommending something I've already been doing. I do loves me some validation of my choices, even if it's targeted at the faceless masses.

Hence my name 'gudnuff'. As the author says, in the last line, "Learn to let things be good enough." Just make sure to step up as soon as they start to get bad enough.

What's that sound? Can you hear it? Is it a chorus of angels singing "Hallelujah!"...? Why yes, I believe that is exactly what I'm hearing.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I'm at war with a number of people in my life right now (exactly 2 people...well, 1 person for one reason and a married couple for another reason). Which I can't decide whether to view as bravery or cowardice or a bit of both. It's not really war with them so much as it is an internal war, which I'll get to in a minute.

I am setting up very strict boundaries with certain people, really for the first time in my life, and maintaining them, period. I am civil. I am ever-so-barely polite. Not quite courteous. Definitely not friendly. I'd say I am being tolerant of having to co-exist with them. This is not something I'm used to nor typically comfortable doing. I'm very demonstrable with my emotions, typically. As I've said before, I'm a yeller, and I'm also a hugger. I love to give hugs. But this year, along with losing 50 pounds, I've also restricted my behavior. I'm dieting behaviorally. So, I act with minimalistic civility. I do not indulge in flamboyant expressions of emotion, much as I'd like to. In a similar vein, I do not indulge in overeating as I have a tendency to do. In 2008, I have embraced moderation and shunned regret. Which is the war within - I prefer to outwardly, physically express my anger and disdain and hurt and resentment and distrust and general being pissed-off-ness, but I do not express it. I hold it in check, except for private moments here and there. And I do not eat whatever I want anymore, either. I hold my appetite in check. I skip lunch and chew a lot of gum.

I am growing up. I am also holding at bay my sense of can't-we-all-just-get-along. Because the answer is, no, Virginia, we cannot just get along. We are all very different, with uniquely clashing needs and issues and baggage and none of us can truly be free of our filters. We are human, afterall. And so I have chosen to be human over here, and let them be human over there. Don't call me. Don't talk to me if you can possibly avoid it. I'll do the same. We'll both employ restraint and distance and things will be much more comfortable for everyone that way.

And it has been. Truth be told, things are really good this way. The only regret I feel is regret over the fact that setting strict boundaries does not produce a deep disquiet for me. And yet I feel it should. Say what? Yeah...basically, I'm saying I'm bothered by how comfortable my life is after having cut certain strings. The lack of bad stuff outweighs the good of the fun stuff. The half-full part of this is that I've turned my back on the half-empty parts. The half-empty part is that I can live quite contentedly with the results.

I guess I'm saying that the Whos are as dysfunctional as everybody else, that The Grinch never joyously rides down to them, but instead ends up staying at the top of Mount Crumpet, buys some ear plugs, writes a blog and lives happily ever after.

Everybody wins.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


So I blog that I've lost 50 pounds, and nobody notices.

.........Well, nobody comments...

...................................(...which is the same thing...)

I'm outting myself as being blog-dependent. This not good. This baaad thing.

But it will not cause me to reach for something chewy tonight (cookies...magic cookies...crumbly chocolatey cookies...mmmm). No it will not. I will just chew my mint gum very deliberately and catch up on my DVR watching. And go to bed early. And NOT check my blog.

And I will weigh myself in the morning and be down a little more and I will smile.

And for a moment, I will not think about my blog.

Everyone's busy. It's all good. I don't need comments to feel happy. I just need gum.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I am so hawt

I came really, REALLY close to not going yesterday.

Amazing, no?

Having enumerated my reasons, and with the visual imprint of my blog post emblazoned on the inside of my eyelids...well...I just had to go through with it.

There were so many people that the crowd spilled out onto the sidewalk, with drinks in their hands, some with silly holiday hats on, everyone with a name tag stuck to them.

I parked around the corner in an inconspicuous spot. I finished putting my makeup on. I called my husband for a last-minute shot-in-the-arm boost of confidence. I needed him to say, "...'atta girl! Go get 'em! You're great!"

Him: Yeah?
Me: Hey...I'm still in the car. I need you to tell me I'll be great and to go in there and it'll be fun and I have nothing to worry about 'cause I rock. You know, go get 'em, you're the best, rah rah, something along those lines.
Him: Wha...?
Me: I suddenly have cold feet and I need you to cheer me on. I hate walking into these things alone. Just tell me I'm awesome or something.
Him: (barely intelligible) you're-awesome-or-something-or-whatever-you-said
Me: yeah, okay, whatever, thanks.

So I hung up and got out of the car and walked around the corner, through the crowd into the event. Signed a bunch of sign-in sheets. Met the executive director. Talked to the main person I wanted to talk to, made sure she knew I had attended. Met another board member, got his business card. Ate and drank nothing. Left early.

One thing I know: events such as that are why the flask was invented. For people like me.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Pretending that it matters

I'm wearing a suit today. It 's a jacket-n-skirt kind of suit. It's also 38 degrees outside. I feel half-naked and exposed to a hostile climate. I haven't worn a skirt-suit at this job ever, I'm pretty sure. I know I came to the interview in my black Talbots pant suit. That was over five years ago. Then over the next four years, I gained 20 or 30 pounds. In the past year, I've lost 50 pounds. I still have another 20 pounds to lose before I start feeling truly conceited. ;-) Anyhoo, aren't you dying to know why I bothered to brave the icy-elements with nothing more than pantyhose to protect my lower extremities?

I got invited to an open house for a charitable organization focused on children's needs. Which, as its name implies, does not discriminate. It's an OPEN invitation. And yet, I'm taking it seriously and very much feel honored to be going. Because my social life is so thin, so desperate...basically, my social life is the third Olsen twin.

So, this moment-with-a-skirt-on has come about because I've decided to attend this open house today. Why? As you will see in tomorrow's post, this is not my kind of thing (yes, I'm post-editing my post...always striving to make things goodnuff or even better).

Simply put, I need community service involvement, for a number of reasons.

The first reason is: I'm not really doing anything

(other than sending my daughter to Girl Scouts...they delivered Christmas cards last night to a nursing home...serving by proxy, that's what I'm doing), and I feel guilty about that. I need to do more. Gray's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives just isn't cutting it anymore for me.

Second reason: I need to meet like-minded people, hopefully competenet, driven, impressive people who will help keep me inspired.

I like feeling inspired (such as by the other bloggers that I follow. Love you guys!). And this past year, I've discovered how much I am led by example. I am not proud of this. But it is what it is. So, to stay inspired, I must surround myself with inspirational people. Yes, yes, this plan is doomed from the beginning, because you're not supposed to rely on other human beings for such things because people are inherently flawed and will let you down, blah, blah, blah. Again - it is what it is. I am prepared for this eventuality. I understand that people are flawed. Good lord, look at me, for starters. Yeah, ok. But I say: so what. They are also amazing and inspirational and I choose to see the glass as half-full on this point.

Third reason: ya'll know this was going to come around to thinking about law school in some kinda way...well, yeah, duh...some community service wouldn't hurt me when I finally DO submit an application.

Now, I may never get that far. I make 6 figures. I have time to kill at work. The benefits are outstanding. My boss is a sweetie-pie. Plenty of paid time-off. For instance, I am free to attend this open house at 4pm today. Our work day ends at 5pm. I will not lose any money or use any leave time, either. It's the same as if I'd stayed at my desk 'til 5pm. But in fact, I will be gone from here around 3pm. So, that is a lot to walk away from. And, if my husband never re-enters the workforce again, well, there goes the whole law school plan. So, reason number three is a bit weak.

Fourth reason: It may actually help somebody who needs help.

Fifth reason: It sets a good example for my daughter.

Sixth reason: My husband fully supports the idea and it would please him.

Since I am uncannily skilled in displeasing him (the things I say sometimes! whew! the other day I told him I'd fire him if he were paid help...niiiiiice...), finding something that he supports is always of assistance in keeping our marriage on track. Which we struggle with at times. Marriage is a lot of work. At least, it is for us.

Seventh reason: I don't really have a seventh reason, but I didn't want to end this on a sour note about my marriage. After some thought, a seventh reason would be that I will meet new people and go to new places in town that I've never been to (places I've heard about but have never seen the poverty first-hand), and it will open new doors for me (other service projects?), new sense of awareness, plus give me something new to talk about. It might give me the confidence or strength or whatever to get involved at my daughter's school a little more. Or the sense to stay away.

So, I'm wearing a suit today and feeling kind of significant. I usually feel insignificant, so today I'm pretending that it's the other way around. I want to make a difference. I want it to matter that I got out of bed today. So today, I'm going to the open house in my skirt-suit and pantyhose and pretending that it matters. Because, really, it does.