Friday, February 6, 2009

Now For Something Completely Different

...or maybe completely derivative. You tell me.

You know, there is more than one way to skin a midlife crisis. Number One option that is so mainstream, so trivially obvious, is of course the Law School Question, which I mean, c'mon, EVERYBODY toys with that one even when things are going great. The Law School Question should open its own adult toy superstore, that's how playfully distracting it is. There is our own sweet Everyday Reality that we know and love, but we sneak out at lunch time to meet the Law School Question at a cheap motel for a quickie. Please, like you haven't done it yourself.

Many of you have already let it knock you up (=sent in a seat deposit, signed student loans, paid tuition, bought books, etc.) and now you're stuck with an abusive partner who only cares about its own needs. Yeah, I know how Law School Question rolls, once you've let him go all the way with you.

But a new toy has shown up and it's turning my head. Just a quick glance as it passed me on the sidewalk. Yeah, I checked it out from behind as it walked on by. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Hey, I'm barely 40-ish, I'm not dead, ya know?

You want to meet it? I'm not sure how it looks without its makeup on. I have my doubts that it can still get me excited when direct sunlight is showing every blemish on its face and its split ends are looking frizzy. It's name is Getting Pregnant and Having Another Child. At MY age? At this point in our lives? Crazy, I know. Insane! But still, there's just something about it that I find alluring.

I even tossed it out there to Leo while we were having some green beans one night. I thought maybe he'd wanna try a threesome. Maybe he'd want to play along. His biggest objection is that Everyday Reality was needy enough. Was it a smart idea to complicate the situation? How would Everyday Reality feel about this, anyway? Besides, Leo already has his own little fling going on the side. Oh, it's okay. I know all about it. He's been dallying with Going Back To School pretty steadily for over three years now. Sometimes I'm a little jealous, it's true. Sometimes I wish I had Leo all to myself, but it is what it is. If it makes my man happy, who am I to judge? Let him have his fun. As long as he comes home every night to Q and me, it's all good.

The funny thing is, I'm not even that attracted to this Having a Baby thing. But I remember the last time we hung out together, and I remember how special it made me feel. I remember how my whole world revolved around it. Nobody and nothing was as important as that. But then...phew! Talk about a high-maintenance relationship! OMG, Getting Pregnant and Having a Baby is the neediest thing you'll ever knock socks with. Leo is absolutely right about that.

Well, as Maggie says, it's my blog dammit, and it's called "And Time Yet For a Hundred Indecisions" for exactly this reason. And if certain people in the cybersphere find it annoying that I can't make a decision, then pppphhhhhht on them. The Blog is turning into a hot and heavy little fling all on its own anyway. I'm not the kind of girl who can juggle multiple lovers simultaneously. When I try, bad things happen. The Baby and The Blog would just cuss each other out if they ever ran into each other in public. I'd be out at a nice restaurant with The Blog, and we'd be twittering each other under the table and giggling whenever the waiter came over to refill our water glasses, and The Baby would show up and make a huge scene and dump our plates on our heads and storm off. Everything would be ruined. And I'd run after it and apologize, my napkin still tucked into my waistline. I would chase after The Baby and just abandon The Blog. Which would be so unfair.

Like I said, it was just a passing fancy. Not even that hot. I've seen better, if you know what I mean.


gudnuff said...

For the record, my husband and I don't take monogamy nor our marriage lightly. If I ever thought he had "a little sumpthin sumpthin going on on the side" would be bad, people.

Patois said...

Well, thanks for setting the record straight in your comment!

gudnuff said...

Patois - it went too far, didn't it? Live and learn. Thanks for giving me some feedback!

Patois said...

I was totally teasing you. I was likening it to my kids always saying things like, "Well, if you like chocolate so much, why don't you marry it?" To which I always respond, "I can't just dump your dad, can I? Or can I?"

Hyphen Mama said...

I like this post because I can relate. I dallied with Law School when I was 19 and studying Criminal Justice in college, with the notion that the CJ degree would segue nicely into Law School. I had my dreams dashed early on by an amazing CJ professor who put things bluntly and shed light on the reality of life in the Law field. I changed my major to science, studied science for 2.5 years with the intent of using that to go to Dental Hygiene school. THEN I worked as a dental assistant and had THOSE dreams dashed with the realization that life's too short to spend entire days delving into people's dirty mouths.

I fell into IT with no degree and found that I was making more than most of my degree holding comrades.

Now I'm 36, 2 kids and I'm dallying with going back to school for an Accounting degree. I think I'm infatuated with the idea of playing with somebody (something!!) new and challenging. Whether or not it happens.

gudnuff said...

Thanks for your comment Hyphen Mama! I've been thinking about you recently, but I guess you know that by now.

I despise dream dashers. Is it so hard to encourage people? Balancing it out with a token amount of reality is fine, but dashing someone's dreams just sucks. I mean, maybe you're glad it went down like that. But it really ticks me off when optimism is sqashed flat.

IT? Ha! Love it. Do you write about it? I'll need to go see.

And accounting? That's another one that I thought about for maybe half a day, before moving on to focus on law school. Good for you if you think you can handle it. It seems just as isolated as IT to me, though. Isolation is something I've had too much of for too long. I guess that's pretty obvious by how much blogging and commenting I've been doing, huh?

Can't wait to hear more from you about entry or two on your blog?