Saturday, April 11, 2009

Someone's Got To Believe

Tonight was the night. Tonight, about an hour ago, in the car, in the dark, after a wonderful, friend-filled, fun-filled day, I finally told her the truth.


Yes, I am the Easter Bunny. And it took her less than a minute to ask if I was Santa, too.


That was enough. She knew.

And she was fine with it. FINE. She was just glad I'd told her the truth finally.

I'm not fine with it. I'm sad about it.

Well, we agreed to keep going with our traditions. I'll still be hiding eggs tonight. She'll wake and and look for them. Happily.

Here's what she said to make ME feel better about this new world we now share:

"It doesn't matter who did it. It's just the fun you have with it."

Then she smiled. "Hey, that rhymes!"

And I hugged her more than once for telling me everything was alright still. I feel so guiltily grateful that she is fine with knowing and able to comfort ME about the situation. Really, I was quite upset about the big unveiling. I had dreaded it for a long time. Another death. Another corner turned, no going back. Welcome to this side of the world, where there is no magic.

And the best part of all is that she said, "Just don't tell Daddy that I know, okay?"

And we haven't. And he is waiting for me to finish hiding the eggs. Because he believes that she still believes. And that is all the belief we need to keep this thing going for at least one more year. I think she is so smart and so cool and so fun. I feel a little bit in awe of her right now.

From several years ago, but still, it captures her well:

Q, I love you more than words can express. And I hope your Work Husband is not an uber-douche.


Christie-A Work In Progress said...

I loved this story! Go Q! What a fantastic girl...and mom! Sorry I haven't been around much but you know I will always stop by to give you some comment love when I can!!

Hyphen Mama said...

This is beautifully written. Is Q 8?

I think Wynnie is onto all of it. This morning she (at age 5) went over and over and OVER "Now tell me again, who gave me the eggs? Who gave me the toys? Who made the baskets? Who put the candy inside the eggs?" I labored last night wondering how I'd answer the questions that I KNEW would come today. I decided this was my story: I made the baskets full of toys. I bought the toys. That is all from Mommy & Daddy. The Easter Bunny comes to our house and hides the eggs for us." I'm so bad at lying that is the very best I could do. The questions about Santa are a huge hurdle to get over. I suspect next Christmas will be the end of the magic. BUT... my parents still did "Santa" gifts and Easter baskets exactly like they always had until I got married!!! I say THAT is the magic.

gudnuff said...

Yes, Q is 8. She'll be 9 in a couple months. (I think she's 6 in the picture.)

One mother told her kids that Santa sends her a bill for each toy he brings. Hahahahaha!!

gudnuff said...

Christie: Thanks! We're there for each have my vote!

Hyphen: Oooh, good luck with Wynnie! Do you think she'll be upset with you? Like, angry at you for tricking her? And yes, I totally agree: it's best to keep it as simple as possible in terms of who does what. I really like what you came up with, too; I like that all the Easter Bunny does is hide the eggs.
I don't think people who aren't in the middle of dealing with this issue know how this can be quite stressful on the one taking on the role of Magical Entity (such as Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.). So, thanks for your comment. I'm glad I'm posting about it, because I'll probably forget what it was like in a couple of years. And yes, I will probably keep the game going even after The Great Disilluionment, well into adulthood, like your parents did, and you probably will (maybe?...will you?).

Mama Dawg said...

Mine is 9 and still doesn't know.

Well, let me rephrase that. I think she knows, but on some level, she understands that in order for the tradition to continue, she needs to still play along.

We have all the typical conversations like "How does the Easter bunny hide the egg up on the car" and "how DOES Santa get all those gift to the kids all over the world" and whatnot. We have lengthy discussions on it and come up with plausible explainations.

But she's never flat out asked if they're real or if I'm Santa or the Easter Bunny.

I want her to believe as long as possible.

So sweet that yours tried to comfort you and that you have the secret from Daddy.

dgm said...

First things first: I love that picture!

Second, my oldest (almost 11) has never been a believer in any holiday mascots but she still manages a bangup time on holidays. Our 6 year old, who's more inclined to the imaginary, knows the truth but enjoys pretending anyway, and we're all cool with that. It's all about the candy and the family traditions for those kids.

gudnuff said...

Mama Dawg: She had asked me directly before, several times. In fact, I actually PINKY-SWORE on Wednesday night before Easter that I was NOT the Easter Bunny. Then she started asking me where she could hide a camera. When she asked me again on the ride home Satruday night, for probably the sixth or seventh time, I decided it was pointless to deny the truth any longer. She remembered the pinky-swear, too. Uh-oh!
You know what's funny? How saddened I am by the death of the illusion. Why am I so sad about it? Because I know I'm too lazy to bother, now that she knows? Because it's not fun anymore, for me? Yeah...because, it's not as much fun. It just isn't. [sniff]

dgm - Thanks for commenting on the picture! That is the first and only picture of Q that I have ever posted. Posting it was a big deal for me. I feel like I'm introducing Q to everybody. Thanks for saying hi to her.
As for Jade not believing...did Santa/Easter Bunny leave her gifts when she was 3 or 4? I'd love to read a post about this on your blog sometime. Just curious as to her exposure to the myth versus Kai's. And your family's traditions.

Trannyhead said...

Q is hawt. Hi, Q.

PS - I totally felt guilty when I figured out that my parents were Santa/Easter/etc. For several years, I let them keep thinking I believed when I didn't. I don't know if that makes me empathetic or weird. But it's true.

Sue said...

Thanks for coming by and finding my blog! I always like to meet new people! Q is very cute! My 10 yr old asked me as we were about to follow the trail to the EAster baskets if I was the EAster Bunny. I mumbled something about no, but I am thinking the gig will really be up by Christmas. It is sad!

Hyphen Mama said...

I had to come back and read everybody else's comments. I guess I'm a weirdo because I didn't realize it might traumatize my kid if she figured it out and that it may ruin the experience for her. Hmmm. I, too, remember feeling so guilty when I no longer believed-- I had an older brother who spilled the beans-- and I pretended and pretended to keep my parents from being upset. I just want my kids to understand that it's all special and fun and glittery and full of lights even IF there's not somebody breaking into our house in the night to bring gifts.

I hope I can instill in them that the magic is inside.

gudnuff said...

It's been weird, in that now, she is tasked with keeping the knowing to herself...not sharing it with her peers/friends/cousins, etc. She has the adult responsibility of hiding the truth. It's a strange thing to share with your kid. I'm so used to protecting HER innocence, and now we are peers/partners/collaborators in protecting the innocence of others. I'm a little off-balance by this, and find myself wondering "Where'd my kid go? Who is this little-momma person helping me make it fun for others?"